Liuisms: 51 Lucy Liu Quotes:
NOTE: These quotes have NOT been taken out of context. All of them have occured
as written and most of them are almost verbatim (any changes are probably just order of words, but the meanings did not change).
Honest to God, she actually said this stuff.
Newland: *facetiously*
"My cousin is a chicken." Lucy *shocked*: "Really?!"
Newland: "Where is
Cindy?" Lucy: "She is either late or not coming."
"Can I pay with credit
card?" - 1/9/03, Lucy on paying for the $4 stock market game
"What's a merger?"
- December 2003, Lucy in AP Microeconomics
"We should invest
in Prom stocks!" - 1/22/04, Lucy on the stock market game
"The top 10 people
are azn anyway." - 1/22/04, Lucy's illusion that Alina, Ketan, and Marc are East Asian
"I can put down Best
Costume as an award." - 1/23/04, Lucy on college apps
"Are you cutting
his hair?" - 1/26/04, Lucy as Newland playfully mimics cutting Ben's hair with his fingers
"It couldn't have
been a Chinese restaurant, because Chinese people aren't that dumb. It must've been the stupid Koreans." - 1/26/04, Lucy speaking
for her race's intelligence (NOTE: The story was that Nabil went to a restaurant and asked to have his meat cut and they gave
him a pair of scissors)
"Who is the King
of France?" - 1/26/04, Lucy during Mrs. Bagley's King Lear exam
Lucy: "Mr. Newland,
will you go to prom with me?" Newland: "No..I'm going with my wife." Lucy: "Aw, I got rejected by Mr. Newland." - 1/27/04,
Lucy on desperation
"Oh my god, these
models are so ugly and dress like skanks." - 1/27/04, Lucy looking at either a)the UPN site for their Top Model show or b)a
mirror (either choice will work)
Newland: "As you
may or may not know, this class is unique in its-" Lucy: "Stupidity." - 1/28/03, Lucy trying to cope with her intelligence
Lucy: "Michael said
he saw you at a restaurant last night." Newland: "Yes, I took my family to a Mexican restaurant." Lucy: "Why didn't you take
them somewhere better?" - 1/29/04, Lucy is still working on becoming 100% insensitive
"I thought kissing
was invented by the French." - 2/3/04, Lucy on World History
Lucy: "The Chinese
have never been conquered." Newland: "Right, it was never taken by oh, I don't know, an island nation called Japan." Lucy: "But that's different because they fought." - 2/3/04, Lucy on Chinese history
"Mr. Newland, did
you know that you can't play Text Twist [a Yahoo! Games game] on a Mac?" - 2/6/04, Lucy on game compatibility even though
Mr. Newland plays Text Twist on the projector screen in class with is iBook on a weekly basis
"You mean hit the
'undo' button?" - 2/9/04, Lucy on cheating in real life Solitaire
"I'm gonna name my
daughter Electra!" - 2/10/04, Lucy's random thought during the class discussion on the meaning of 'Ivan Ilych'
"Europe can't be poor because they have French perfumes and Italian clothing." - 2/10/04, Lucy on global economies
Newland: "Let's all
go to Tennessee!" (with regard to Howard Dean campaigning) Lucy: "Hey! Don't make fun
of Tennessee!" Newland: "Oh dear Lord.." - 2/11/04, Lucy on sticking up for...?
"Hey, once you get
used to him, nothing hurts." - 2/18/04, Lucy on God only knows...
Newland: "Hey Pai-i"
Lucy: "What's IE? Internet Explorer?" - 2/18/04, Lucy on Chinese names
Mr. Clark: "1 million
people are unemployed, 20 million in the labor force, what's the unemployment rate, Lucy?"
Lucy: "That's 1 over
20 so it's *long pause* 15%."
Clark: "Nope, try again."
Lucy: "Oh, *shorter
pause* it's 20%."
Clark: "No."
Lucy (to the guy
next to her): "Shut up, it's not 10% it's 20!"
Clark: "Well it's not 20% either, the answer we're looking for is 5%." - 2/19/04,
Lucy on economic formulas
Video: "And now the
richest man in the world is Bill Gates!"
Marc: "Not anymore,
now it's that sultan guy."
Mr. Newland: "The
sultan of Brunei." ('ei' pronounced as 'eye')
Lucy: "It's Brunay!"
('ay' pronounced as h'ay') - 2/23/04, Lucy on World Geography
"I decided last week
that I'm breaking up with my boyfriend this Thursday...It's funny cuz everyone knows about it except for him." - 2/24/04,
Lucy on ending relationships
Mrs. Bagley: "The
name of the poem is 'The Oven Bird'." (by Robert Frost)
Lucy: "Oh, is it
about a turkey?" - 2/26/04, Lucy on more modern poetry
Mr. Newland: "So
all you HL people you can tell me the answer."
Marc: "Yeah, HL!"
Lucy: "Oh I thought
it was HP."
The rest of the class:
"What?!" - 3/1/04, Lucy on Higher Level mathematics
From Lucy's Xanga:
"okayy... since most
of yall kno that me n mai bf broke up, so now im lookin 4 a prom date. and here are the criterions:
#1 must be at least
5'9 since my heels will make me 5'6 ,5'7 u dun wanna look shorter than me do u?
#2 must not be a
scrub. i hate cheap guys! i dun want u 2 pay for everything but come on if we have 2 argue on who pays 4 wat, ur not the guy
4 me.
#3 must have a fun
personality, dun wanna spend the whole nite w someone whos just gonna sit there
#4 must be proper,
i cant take u home and show u 2 my mom if u had a mouth full of gold teeth and a a durag on ur head.
#5 have 2 be hot,
not that itz the most important thing but yah who wants an ugly guy right?
#6 must have high
tolerance for alcohol. whos gonna take care of me if i get drunk???
#7 must be kool w/
my gurls ann and bei ;p cuz if they dun like u then it might take me a while
2 get back 2 u " - 2/29/04, Lucy on interviewing for a date to prom
Lucy: "We were in
the park and we saw two ducks having sex." - 3/8/04, Lucy on public recreation
Lucy: "Wait, aren't
HP and Compaq the same now?"
Mr. Newland: *sarcastically*
"Uhh..yes"
Lucy: "So if they
gave us HP computers we could use them now?"
Everyone: "Why couldn't
we otherwise?" - 3/8/04, Lucy on computer donations
Mr. Newland: "So
everyone is in economics right?"
Lucy: "But I'm in
macro."
Alina: "Lucy, that's
economics." - 3/8/04, Lucy on her own schedule
Marc: "There should
be a new reality show about Lucy an Alina being room mates."
Mr. Newland: "I would
watch that show!"
Lucy: "I'm not gonna
be home that much so why would you watch that show?"
Newland: *laughing*
"I love my job!" - 3/8/04, Lucy on having her own show
Mr. Newland: "So
Ruidi's on the highway and he's braking--" Lucy: "He was breakdancing?" - 3/8/04, Lucy on road etiquette
Mr. Newland: "How
many people woke up 20 minutes ago?" (it was late start for school for us)
Lucy: "I was at IHOP!"
Newland: "How many
people still had to get up early?"
Nadia: "Some people
wanted to come to my house."
Lucy: "My friends
wanted to go to IHOP." - 3/10/04, Lucy on waking up
Mr. Newland: "Lucy,
stop dancing."
Lucy: "I wasn't dancing,
I was clapping!"
Newland: "Then you
were doing a full body clap."
Lucy: "I don't dance
like that. This is how I dance." *what ensued can only be described as the horror, THE HORROR!* - 3/10/04, Lucy on clubbin
in the computer lab
Mr. Newland: (the
story you must know here, in a nutshell, is that at Code Wars, Jackson saw a small Chinese girl and said 'Look, a Chinese
girl!' loud enough for everyone around the Bellaire group to hear it) "I just said 'wow, those Lamar kids are crazy' and slowly
backed off."
Lucy: "Yeah, that's
what we do at debate tournaments when we piss off a judge. We just say that we're from Strake Jesuit." - 3/11/04, Lucy on
lying about attending an all-boys private school
Mr. Clark: "I thought
I would run out of donuts today (note: he gave out donuts to top scores in a group assignment throughout the day), but luckily
the committee that won only has 3 people...I guess Lucy doesn't eat donuts though."
Lucy: "I can eat
two!"
Clark: "Whaa?!" - 3/12/04, Lucy on donuts
Lucy: (to Mr. Newland
as he shows Prom pictures) "Why didn't you just sleep at the priest's house?" - 3/12/04, Lucy on...I still have no idea...maybe
on religion??
"life has been alright,
just have a lot of mixed feelings, dun really kno wat 2 do. maybe im just thinkin 2 much, i dunno" - 3/21/04, Lucy on using
her brains (it's an entry from her Xanga)
Nabil: "Alina, Lucy
has something to say to you. She wants to donate some clothes to you."
Alina: "For what?
To wear as socks?"
Lucy: "What? What
socks?" - 3/26/04, Lucy on being charitable
Marc: "Ok, let's
play fashion trivia. Which north Italian city is Prada from?"
Lucy: "Sicily!" - 3/26/04, Lucy on the cardinal directions
"Wouldn't it be nice
for hobos to have my Italian clothing?" - 3/26/04, Lucy on fashion equality
*Mr. Newland plays
William Hung's haunting rendition of 'She Bangs' by Ricky Martin*
Lucy: "Why are you
playing salsa music?" - 4/6/04, Lucy on music genres
"I saw two ducks
having sex the other day." - 4/13/04, Lucy on her ongoing obsession with duck sex in the middle of a comp sci lecture
Newland *talking
about giving donations to Childrens Protective Services*: "So you may wanna come down here and take a look at what they need"
Lucy *reading them*:
"Just go to Holiday Inn and jack their stuff and give it to them." - 4/16/04, Lucy on shorthanding people in need
"nwayz i was watchin
swan 2day omg, itz amazing how much u can do 2 a person thro plastic surgery. i luv the show cuz it tears me up everytime
the women look into the mirror. itz like a dream come true 4 them. i can feel their joy and im just soo happy 4 them!!!!!!!
theyr one of the lucky fews who actually get a chance 2 be made over while there r millions of others out there bothered by
the same problems they had. so sad... so yah imma be nicer 2 pplz from now on" - 4/20/04, Lucy's Xanga on how to get her sobbing
and the shortest promise ever
I have an open pore!
5/17/04, Lucy on her own face
Interests: ~*newly
discovered interest!!! Italian cloth and French make up =) gosh, i have so many hobbies. i love shopping, watchin soap,talkin
on the phone, chattin online,hanging out w/ friends, taking 2 hr lunches w/ ann,getting roses ;p,eating lol, taking bubble
bath w/: hot water, candles,soft music, a good magazine, tiremasu, and an ice cold drink, spending time on the beach, swiming,
skating, bowling,singing, dancing, goin 2 coffee shops, takin pix, dressin up, doin nails, drinkin... n yah datz all i can
think of rite now but im sure theres a lot more lol 5/17/04, Lucy on her interests
Expertise: shopping,
french tippin nails, debating (hahaha yah rite), stayin up late at nites, talkin on the phone 4 hrs, cheatin at pool n still
loose lol,slackin off n put down everything til the last minute but do surpprisingly well cough 1400 w/ no studyin at all
til the nite b4 2 memorize all 500 sumthin words <--- and oh yah bein conceited ;p 5/17/04, Lucy on her fortes
im doin a lot better,
thanx u guys 4 cheerin me up all the time =). so yah now i got most of the stuff taken care of everythings goin pretty smooth
well cpt 4 comp sci but lol lets not talk a/b dat. but damnnn so many pplz breakin up nowz all the cheatin n partyin goin
on... man ppl r messed up... so anywayz i had this REALLY good dream last nite my prince charming came into my dreams =) i
have no idea who it is cuz itz all hazzy but hehe awwwww =) so happy. no matter if itz a sign or not prince charming is alwayz
good =) 4/17/04, Lucy on society
Speaker: Who knows
what liberal arts means?
Lucy: The major I
was put in at UT because I didnt get into the one I wanted. 5/19/04 Lucy on higher education
